Reckless.

I've a prepay electricity meter in my current flat. Was there when I first moved in. It has a wee USB stick type thing that I bring to my nearest shop, ask for a tenner to be put in it and, when I plug the stick back in, it beeps and adds credit to my meter.
Starved for excitement in my life, I let it run low this time, dangerously low. Went under a pound on Friday. Left work yesterday and it was down to forty pee. FORTY PEE. Came in last night and it was on twelve. I started to feel like James Bond, letting the timer run down as much as possible before stopping the bomb. Woke up this morning, TWO PEE left in the thing. I could endanger the freshness of my milk no more. I grabbed my stick (stop it, you) and made my way to the nearest shop (A newsagents, like, you can't stroll into a bakery and demand they top up your leccy. This time I went to the smaller Scotmid on Leith Walk.) I also bought eggs.
Came back to the flat. The clock was still blinking on my microwave, so I was safe. Opened the cupboard door, ONE PEE. One pee, people! If this was a film, the music would be going fucking mental. I jammed in the stick, the meter beeped and I had £15.01 credit. Three seconds later, that went down to £15 even. If this was a film, I'd go bang Halle Berry now. It wasn't. I didn't. No matter, I'd won.

But at what cost?


(Fifteen pounds.)

What's your laptop's desktop wallpaper this week, Noel?

What? Who are you? How did you get in here? And why are you asking me questions?
Fine.
It's this:

(Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/combo-pictures/5810885189/in/photostream)

Fool me once...

...shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

No, I don't buy it. You're the dickhead that keeps fooling me, why'm I left with the shame second time around? And you get to skip merrily off, shame free, to fool some other people a number of times. This is NONSENSE.

It's happened.

It finally... sigh... fuck.

Let me start at the start. Back in August, September maybe, I started running. Properly running. I'd sauntered about Edinburgh before the odd time, but never put any real effort into it. This time I was serious. Went out and bought gear. Downloaded an app on my phone to follow me around the city as if I was Will Smith (Enemy of the State, anyone who's too young to remember. Good film, look it up.). And I went outside and ran.

Don't get me wrong, I was ATROCIOUS to start with. Hilariously bad. You can spend £100 on runners all day long (though the shop closes at five) but they don't make you fit. So I started small. I'd go out and run for a minute, then walk for a minute. Run for a minute, walk for a minute. Run for ten seconds, walk for twenty minutes and lie on the kitchen floor like I'd just fought Godzilla. Can of tuna, post something on facebook about not being able to feel my legs, bed.

And on I went. I got better. Run for two minutes, walk for a minute. Run for three, walk for one. Walk for forty seconds, maybe.  Run for five minutes. Run for twenty. I got better. My legs got stronger, and so did my mind. I got more focused, I was able to push myself more. If my shins got stiff or my arches sore, I'd tell myself to man up and push on through. And I did. Monday last week I ran 10km, and I did it in 54 minutes. Besides Tetris and sleep, I've never been able to anything for 54 minutes before in my life.

The way I improved, though, was by being tough on myself. Okay, I'd quit halfway through a lot of runs and limp home, but I'd always go out when and if I told myself I would. Checking my runs on the nike website, I've ran almost every second day. Since November 17th I've went out and floored it around Edinburgh 39 times. Sometimes I'd run 3km. Sometimes I'd run 10. But I always went out.
I've ran in hailstones, in gale force wind. I took runners with me to Bristol and ran about the place with Ed. I went out on on Christmas day and did my first 7km run because it happened to be my running day.

But not tonight. Tonight I don't want to. I told myself on the way home from work that I would. That I'd make a sandwich, put on a wash and go out and do 7km. But I didn't. I won't. It's cold. I need to look up new flats. My favourite t-shirt's in the wash. I should add something to my blog. I can always run tomorrow.

I'm making excuses.

This isn't good.